Unfortunately, breakups happen. Whether you found out he simply wasn’t the right one for you or visa versa or something crazy happened.. Most people have been through at least one major breakup in their lifetime. And many of us have been through several.
Similar to the emotions you would experience when you lose someone, breakups can and usually do take you through that same emotional cycle. Although many people try to be strong and avoid the emotions, its usually best if you just feel the feelings and embrace each of the emotions as they come.
Grieving is natural, especially when you separate from someone who once was in your life.
Let’s analyze the 5 stages of grieving and what you should expect to feel as you emotionally process your breakup.
Obviously, not everyone feels all the different stages and many people feel them in different orders, but we’ve found these seem to be the most often felt emotions when grieving through a breakup.
Stage 1: Denial
Denial is typically felt as a form of shock or disbelief that you are no longer in the relationship with your ex. Whether you broke up with them or they broke up with you, oftentimes you’ll feel like there is something missing in your life. You may find yourself saying things like, ‘this couldn’t have happened’ or ‘we’ll get through this’ but often times the tighter you hold onto what was there the more difficult it is to get through it and eventually move on.
Stage 2: Anger
Anger can happen fast. It can come from many different directions and be aimed at yourself, your ex-partner or other people. You might be angry about being single again. Angry about how you were broken up with or how you had to break up with him. Or you just might be angry at everything. It’s okay, being angry for a little while is okay, as long as you don’t take that anger out on yourself or others. Sometimes a good run or physical activity can help you see a little more clearly when you’re angry.
Stage 3: Bargaining
Bargaining is the next step. Often people start to look at the situation they were in and tell themselves things like ‘it wasn’t so bad’ or ‘I could live with that’ or ‘he didn’t mean to…’ All of these types of statements are a form of bargaining where you might not see things as clearly and you may start to emotionally accept less than you deserve. Stay strong. You might try to write down some of the bargains and ask yourself if that is really okay or ask your friends if you need some outside help. Don’t let your loneliness cloud your judgement. If you and your ex decide to get back together, make sure it comes from a place of you both deciding it is the right decision, not from a place of emotional bargaining.
Stage 4: Depression
Depression is by far the saddest part of the breakup. Oftentimes this is the part when you realize it is final. It’s hard now, but I promise it will get better. Just give it some time and try to focus on other things that bring you joy. Reach out to your friends, watch some sad chick flicks and just let yourself feel through the emotions. If you find yourself unable to move through depression within a few days, it might be a good time to reach out to professional help. There are many sites online which offer support, tools and people you can talk to about your feelings. You are not alone.
Stage 5: Acceptance
And finally, Acceptance. You’ve made it through to the other side of your breakup. You might still be sad, but with accepting it is over, there is usually a feeling of peace or relief. You may find yourself feeling lighter as you’re no longer working as hard to keep the relationship together or trying to repair it. Once you’ve reached acceptance, you will be on your way to healing and moving forward with your life.
One final note is that everyone moves through these stages at their own pace and in their own order. Some people can process through a breakup over a weekend while others will be feeling these feelings for a few weeks. It is perfectly okay to take the time you need to heal.
Breakups are tough.
But at least you can be prepared to handle the emotions as they come.
